I promise my Rocky Raccoon 100 race report is coming soon. At least sometime before summer...

Peachtree City 50K

It makes absolutely no sense that I would write first race report on the first race that ever DNF'd by my own accord. That said, I’m lying in bed exhausted, sick to my stomach and my head spinning but I can’t fall back asleep because I can’t get this race out of my head. I’m probably writing this looking for an answer but I also know there are people wondering what happened today at the Peachtree City 50k so here it goes.

All I can think about right now is that…

…maybe I picked a horrible week to drastically change my diet

…maybe I really have a stomach bug

…maybe I’m just exhausted from the last couple months

…maybe I should have eaten more before the race

…maybe my 4^th ultra in 8 weeks was a little to much

…maybe this

…maybe that

…maybe I just blew it like UGA last night (the race director did warn us about golf carts, stray dogs and angry Georgia fans on the course)

So let me give you the background leading into this race.

1. I decided last weekend to go vegetarian along with completely giving up caffeine, so I was on my 8^th day without meat or a coke. I won’t lie…giving up meat wasn’t hard but the caffeine withdraw kicked my butt.
2. Like I mentioned before – in October I ran three ultra marathons. In total, I raced more than 110 miles last month plus added on another 100 miles training.
3. I started a new job recently within KP. I absolutely love my new job but we had a big meeting last night and my boss and I have been busy preparing over the past month or so.
4. And of course, there is the rest of life liking being a good father and husband. I’ve been trying so hard lately to balance work, training and spending quality time with Tyler that it does get a little stressful.

All that said, I had little bit going on coming into this race. I feel like I’m making excuses (and I really hate excuses) but it’s hard not take all that into account. Either way, I knew coming into this race that I wasn’t as pumped up about it as have been with my other recent races. Still though, had a goal though of running between 4 and 4:10 and I knew I could do it if I really stayed focused and stuck with my plan.

So Emily and I left the Medical Group awards banquet early last night so I was able to get to bed by 10:30 and get a decent night’s sleep. I woke this morning at 4:57 on my own before the alarm clock went off 3 minutes later. I ate a little bit, took a shower and headed down to Peachtree City. I felt a little more excited than I had earlier this week.

Once I got there, I set up my aid station, used the bathroom, made a bottle of Perpetuem for the start of the race and said hey to a few GUTS runners. When the gun went off, I fell into a nice 7:50 pace. The 50k and 25k runners started together but I was figuring at that point that I was either 4^th or 5^th in the 50k. The first lap felt just right – not too fast and not too slow – 39:44 (7:41 overall pace). The PC 50k is 6 laps of just over 5 mile each. I spent that first lap and most of the next 2 running side-by-side with a younger runner (I think he had a Westminister Cross County sweatshirt on). When the pace between us got faster than I wanted to go for those first few laps though, I backed off and he also did for a while. I finished the bottle of Perpetuem during the second lap and refilled with water. During the third lap I had Hammer gel and finished the 3^rd lap in 2:01:20 – right on pace. By that point the other younger runner had picked it up a little built a 40 second gap between us (I timed the difference during a short out-and-back section on the course. I was excited coming into the main aid station/check point though because he had stopped and was at his chair stretching. So, not needing anything, I breezed on through hoping that I could build a little gap myself.

At this point, I think he and I were swapping 3^rd and 4^th place but I’m not positive. Unfortunately though, it didn’t take him long to catch me and start to build up another gap. I was tempted to push it but wanted to make sure I saved some for the final loop. During the 4^th lap I slowed my pace a little (up to a 8:10 pace) and I started to feel it in legs a little but nothing that I knew I couldn’t handle compared to the TNF 50 a few weeks back. At the mid-loop aid station I decided to fill my water bottle with sports drink. Turned out it was full strength Gatorade. I tried not to drink a lot but I was thirsty so I drank about half. If I don’t have a stomach bug, then that might have been one of the things that I upset my stomach since I never drink Gatorade.

Over the next couple miles, I knew something wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I just knew that I didn’t feel right. I got into the aid station/check point at 2:44 for 20.7 miles. At this point I was still basically on target if I could hold my pace and have a decent final lap. As I came into the checkpoint my stomach felt a little “rumbely” so I ran over to the bathroom. I spent a couple minutes waiting to see if my stomach was going to be upset but nothing. When I came back out, Sean Oh was coming into the checkpoint.

Unfortunately, at this point, the wheels had come off. I grabbed something from my chair and headed out with Sean. He had a Coke and gave me a few sips. I was really hoping the caffeine was give me a boost but I felt like the life had been sucked out of me. About a half mile from the checkpoint I told him to go and I stopped. At that point all I wanted to do was curl up in the leaves and go to sleep. It was almost like a sleeping pill had kicked in. At that point I stopped my watch and called it a day. I started the walk of shame back to the check point. After I passed a couple people I told myself “Damnit, you can’t quit. You’ve never quit before! Pull your @#$% together.” I turned around and started running again. It was useless though. Just when I started to see Sean again in the distance, I was ready to lay back down in the leaves and go to sleep. So once again I stopped my watch and started the walk of shame back to the checkpoint. A lot of people asked me if I was okay and once person even insisted that I not quit and join him. I really wanted to so badly. Here I was quitting a race that I should easily been able to finish and I felt like a complete loser. I got back to the checkpoint, found Susan Lance and told her I was dropping. Again, I felt so bad because she was cheering me on all day and I know she shocked I was quitting since I had been doing so well.

So I packed up my stuff and hit the road. My vision seemed a little off and it wasn’t long before the nausea kicked in. I fought it hard all the way back to the house and barely made it. Once I got home I was white as a ghost and I threw up twice and hit the bed. I must have been asleep in seconds. I was hard asleep until my phone woke me up a couple hours later. I drifted in and out for a while before I decided to grab my MacBook and write this. I still feel exhausted, my stomach hurts and still I’m a little light-headed but that may be because my stomach is empty.

I know I have to move past this race but I also know that it’s going to eat at me for a while. My life is about three things - family, work and running – family obviously being the most important. When I don’t perform as well I feel that I should at any of those things, then I’m hard on myself. I guess it’s the German in me and the way I was raised.

At this point I really don’t know what went wrong today. It could have been one thing or combination of multiple things but either way I came up short and essentially blew what would have been one of my best races ever. I know there will be other races and I need to focus on Rocky Raccoon 100 but this one will hurt for little while.

The star returns

Through the Georgia Pines tonight, I could see the star. It was the same star that I looked to the sky for as a child. Standing on the front lawn with the dogs tonight, it really stood out the night sky - like it was reminding me that it was still there. As a child, I knew it was my father watching over me. Tonight, I was reminded that it was now my father, mother, grandmother, Jody and Tom looking over me. They were reminding me that no matter what, they were still there for me.

It was the same sense that I got from Tyler tonight. As I held him in my arms tonight, he slept peacefully. For a split second though, he opened his eyes though and looked at me. As soon as he saw that I was the one holding him, he slowly closed his eyes and went back to his dreams of puppies and kittens.

Tyler is now 9-months old and I'm a nine months into being a father. My hopes are to return to making weekly entries into this blog again and share with you my thoughts on being a father. I'm sure my experiences as a father will be very similar to the millions of other fathers out there. But what makes me different is my life story and how I use that raise Tyler.

Even though my family has all passed away now, I know they still watch over me in much the same way that I watch over Tyler. While they are not here physically, there love and concern for me is the same I have for Tyler. As a child Iooked to the sky for the brightest star. In my heart, that star was my father looking down upon me me and reminding me he was always there for me. It is now my turn to be the bright star in Tyler's life and let me know that I'm always looking out for him.

Good night...

Isn't this what you were really wanting...

I know the real reason you keep coming back is not because of my excellent prose but for pictures of Tyler. So here you go. Have I mentioned before what a great looking kid he is...didn't think so! ; )

Both Tyler and mom went to the doctor this week and the reports were good for the most part. Tyler's weight is back up and he is doing great. Em's blood pressure was down on Monday but back up on Wednesday. More rest and she should be back up and swinging in a few weeks.

I'm really feeling disconnected this week. I always knew I would have to go back to work at some point, but hate the fact that I can't be at home with Tyler and Emily for the next 2,3 maybe 4 weeks (or years). Maybe I'll win the lottery this weekend and I can become a stay-at-home father.

I would love to write more tonight, but it's 11 p.m. and I have to go work tomorrow so I can pay a few more bills and buy a few more diapers.

Thanks again to everyone who is keeping up with the blog and checking on Tyler and Emily.

Signs that you are a father..

8:55 a.m. Wednesday morning

I'm back at work and really miss being at home with Tyler and Emily. Work is busy as always and I look forward to going home every evening to spend time with them.

I had a sign of many days to come this morning when I looked down a few minutes ago and realized I had baby formula/spitup on my shirt. I'll take it as a sign that Tyler misses me and wanted me to think about him all day.

I promise to write more tonight and post up a new photo.

The next Gerber baby...?

11:15 p.m. Wednesday

With a slight case of insomnia and a little extra time between feedings, here is what I came up with. Could Tyler be the 21st century Gerber baby? You decide...

After a long day...

10:30 p.m. Wednesday

After a long day who doesn't enjoy a nap.

Everyone is settling in...

12:10 a.m. Wednesday morning

It seems as though we are slowly settling into a routine here at the nursery. Granted it's a routine that if we didn't open the windows once and a while, Em and I wouldn't know the difference between night and day. Basically life revolves around Tyler - and at times I think he is smart enough to know it.

As new parents we are learning a lot, both from Tyler and the "What to Expect the First Year" book. Most of the lessons though center around breastfeeding. Em's best friend in VA told her she was going to make me a honorary member of the Le Leche League because..

(Pause to check on Tyler)

Tyler was still hungry and I learned once again what burps cloths are good for - another t-shirt for the daily load of laundry. Anyhow, Em's best friend was telling her that she was going to make me a honorary member of the Le Leche League (http://www.lalecheleague.org) and let me teach classes since I've learned so much while helping Em with Tyler. The question is...can I use that on my resume?

Otherwise Tyler is doing great. His lungs have fully developed into those of a teenager and he is doing a great job of letting us know when he is unhappy. I told Em today that he seems like he has even grown a little bit in the last week.

Emily is also doing much better. We all went to the doctor on Monday and Em's BP was down to 134/74. The hope is that with continued bed rest we can lower it a little more and keep it under control.

And on a final note - Tyler got to watch part of his first Red Sox baseball game last night. Tyler was upset so I picked him up to rock him back to sleep. We went into the bedroom to watch the end of the game. The Sox were down 8-6 in the bottom of the 9th. With two runners on base, Big Poppi (David Ortiz) hit a walk-off home run to win the game. Now I just have to teach Tyler the difference between "Big Poppi" and his own "big daddy."

Tomorrow we will discuss more about the joys of parenthood (expect this whole lack of sleep thing!)